I don’t get how TIVO works. I suppose I could figure it out if I took more time, but for the life of me, I don’t understand how “Scooby Doo” qualifies as an Action Adventure movie. Also, I don’t speak Spanish (admittedly another failure on my part) so I don’t want to watch Terminator dubbed in that language regardless of whether the T is properly categorized that way.

I was indulging in one of my favorite meals, lobster fettucini, at Wash Park Grille when my former bar neighbor came in to complain that someone with a minivan had backed into his car. He asked the bartender if he knew anyone with a minivan and then turned to me and asked me whether I owned a minivan. Of course, I’ve been waiting all my life to respond “Do I look like someone who drives a fucking minivan?” He left sheepishly. Wholly satisfactory but it got me to thinking, what else could I have said? (the French have a marvelous term for this - L’esprit de l’escalier - the spirit of the staircase - what you should have said in response to an insult but too late). I didn’t think I did too bad but a number of responses did occur to me, my favorite of which is “The only way I’d drive a minivan is if I carjacked one after a bank robbery.”

I think a little picture of my dog Arapahoe would be a nice way to balance out the Palin pic.

I LOVE this Meet Sarah Palin Guide on Guidespot for a couple of reasons. First, it sums all of her great maverick ideas, like supporting Alaska’s secession from the US (good idea), hunting wolves from helicopters (sounds fun), and global warming is not man-made (no really)! The other reason is that it was put together on the user-generated guide system my team and I designed at Local Matters.

Oh look! Hockey Mom! Just a heartbeat away from getting its paws on the button for nuclear weapons! Yes, nothing like having a vicious, traitorous animal at your side. And here I thought Cheney was leaving. Thank heaven for little girls.

I sometimes say I’m so far left, I’m right. I don’t think that makes any sense, but it does appeal to my basic view of reality as continuum. I think of myself as a fiscal conservative. I like guns. I have trouble with full frontal nudity. It seems like I should really be a Republican. Certainly, some of the people I like to hang out with are Republicans. I’m not thinking of them when I consider this question. I have this annoying habit of judging people as individuals rather than by group affiliation. If you’ve ever known me you know never to tell me a racist joke. But I can’t apply that behavior when it comes to a group that one selects into. So, again, why am I not a Republican? I can be as much of a dick-head as your average Republican. I can treat Palin like an eye-candy twit. I can say fuck you to the homeless. So, seriously, why am I not a Republican? I guess I still need to leave the question open. I do have a problem with turning the world’s greatest military into the world’s most expensive police department. I do have a problem with the calculated manipulation of an ignorant electorate using lies and innuendo delivered by media shrills. I do have a problem with the hypocritically un-American labeling of a dissenting me as non-patriotic. So, why am I not a Republican? I guess I just don’t like being a punk.

Just checking if this works.

I know I shouldn’t let the care and feeding of these sites go for so long. Apologize to anyone that was decent enough to request a connection through any of these sites. If you know me, once we’re friends, we’re friends for life - even if I never talk to you again. B)

Alas, I used to be the number one Michael Bauer on Google. Then that San Francisco food critic Michael Bauer took the number one spot. That wasn’t much of a problem as I get treated like royalty when I dine in the Foggy City. Now, I’ve slipped to number three as the artist Michael Bauer has a freaking Saatchi Gallery site. His work is pretty cool so I guess I’m OK with that. Any of these German guys come on strong and I’m going to have to launch my own little jihad to regain my ranking though. Sprechen Sie Deutsch, baby?

I sent copies of the following to the Colorado Secretary of State, the Colorado Senator who is Chairman of the Business, Labor and Technology Committee, and the Editor of the Denver Post.

The State for Colorado may be improperly imposing hidden business fees, supporting discriminatory computer contracts and risking the privacy and security of business financial information. How? Every year, businesses must file an Annual Report. Filing electronically is only $10 – unless you try to file a report using widely available alternatives to Microsoft technology. When you file using one of these alternatives you are never given any indication during the filing that you are not using “recommended” technology. Your credit card information is taken but you may never receive confirmation that your transaction has completed or you might be given some vague message that “the server is not responding.”

What you will subsequently receive is a printed notice of “Delinquency to File” – with the fee now raised to $50.

In this day and age this is wholly unacceptable. There are numerous commercial transactions conducted every second on the Internet where this sort of thing doesn’t happen. At the least it is far below acceptable best practices of software development for online commercial transactions. At the worst it raises serious concerns over the privacy and security of financial information provided by businesses around the state to the state.
I urge you to investigate this matter and take appropriate action.