Traitors to the Union

by bauer on July 16, 2020

All of my ranting really just comes down to this. If you don’t wear a mask, you’re a traitor. Plain and simple. A traitor to your neighbors. A traitor to our country. A traitor to our planet. A traitor to our species. From Trump on down, all ya all. Traitors.



by bauer on July 7, 2020

OK, Boomer here, I’ve got something to say, so, please, shut the frak up and listen. First, history.

My forebears, ORIGINAL German and Welsh immigrants, on my father’s side, fought for the NORTH in the Civil War. Quick history lesson: THE SOUTH LOST. THE NORTH WON.

So much for history. Want to talk about tradition? Values? REPUBLICAN Values? OK. Let’s go back to the first true Republic, the Roman Republic. The FIRST NORTH. They defeated their SOUTH, Carthage. What did the NORTH do after they WON? They took the 50,000 survivors in the city prisoner, evacuated it, burnt it, razed it to the ground and salted the barren earth left behind. Sherman shouldn’t have stopped in Savannah. He should have burned every single city in the South and gone straight into Texas, confiscating every single plantation along the way, starting with Tara. How’s that for some solid Republican values? I’d be good with that. Today’s sniveling version can’t even hold the line on the deficit.

Monuments? Sure! I’m from Lancaster, 30 miles or so north-east of Gettysburg PA. We have a stone monument smack in the center of the city honored by the statues of four UNION soldiers. There shouldn’t be a SINGLE Confederate memorial ANYWHERE (excepting Gettysburg). There should NEVER have been a military institution named after TRAITORS, let alone after the INCOMPETENT COWARDS that were among them. Leave Mount Rushmore alone. Finish Crazy Horse.

So, what did we get by not adhering to SOLID values? The line of the CRAVEN runs straight from Fort Sumter, right through the White League and the Red Shirts, the so-called Redeemers, and, ultimately, of course, the KKK. These FESTERING VERMIN invented the Eight Box and Jim Crow Laws, denying the right to vote to educated African-Americans while sneaking in their illiterate offspring to the voting rolls because their traitorous grandfathers could vote before they betrayed United States of America. And the SLIME continued to seep in through a “Peace Jubilee” on the Fourth of July, 1913, the sesquicentennial of their defeat at Gettysburg and these BASTARDS hold a White Supremacy reunion on that sacred ground on that sacred date. From there, all the way through the rest of the 20th century, popping out into the 21st - the THIRD millennium, a SHADOW CONFEDERACY has been spread, slowly, deliberately, over the centuries, across the country, so that we can no longer make out the bright light of that shining city on the hill. Puts the “DEEP STATE” to utter shame.

Now, here’s the really fun part. Civil War II? We’d send them a Tik-Tok but why bother. They’ve already LOST. This time at the hands of the Chinese (well, actually, just one Chinese - dude’s name is Sun-Tzu). It’s over before it ever began. It’s taken 7 score and 17 but a a second VIRTUAL SHERMAN’S MARCH is finally razing their way of life, from their monuments to the very police forces they started to catch runaway slaves and through which their PSYCHOPATHS still roam. Their “SHOCK TROOPS” can wear all the Hawai’ian shirts and burn all the tiki torches they want. It’s like that old saying never bring a GUN to a KNIFE fight, only this time it’s only a RETARD brings an AK to a pandemic. Doesn’t really matter as the SALVAGEABLE among them will step back, trade the AK in for a Margarita, keep a MASK on in between sips, and join the UNION.

We’re facing a threat to the SPECIES that requires simple COOPERATION. It’s what rational, adult members of SAPIENS do, what we’ve always done, to move forward.

For those descendants of the FOREEVER DAMNED that can’t do even that, then just STEP OFF. There is no “Radical Left”, no “Jewish Conspiracy”, no “Deep State.” Americans, Republicans, Democrats, Whigs. Labels. A Bourbon by any other name will cloud your thinking. What we all need right now are clear minds and rational thought based on SCIENCE (that PEER reviewed stuff) to cooperate with one another for the safety of our SPECIES and the ENTIRE PLANET as a whole.

If you can just step back, take a minute, and come join us. We need to RAZE the past and and BUILD the FUTURE and we NEED EVERYONE.

If you can’t STEP FORWARD then STEP OFF. But have no FEAR. We’re not going to attack you. We’re kinda BUSY.

DON’T THINK for a Planck second that we’re just a bunch of COASTAL MARXIST COMMIE TERRORIST FAIRIES flitting around some cave hiding the RADICAL LEFT, though.

No, we’re a large and growing coordinated group of rational adult SAPIENS who are WATCHING, PLANNING, and TRAINING to handle all of YOUR BULLSHIT.

We will STAND TO. We will STAND FOR the UNION OF OUR SPECIES. And we will STAND ON your gurgling THROATS while THE BLOOD OF EDEN pours from your veins if you STAND AGAINST.

Because we DO IT. We do it for the UNION.



So here’s a question…

by bauer on December 15, 2019

Why would a guy who’s acutely germaphobic cut the funding for Infectious Disease Research?


Sacred Veterans’ Day

by bauer on November 11, 2019

I rarely stood for the Pledge of Allegiance in High School. Luckily even in 1970’s Lancaster PA, my homeroom teachers never overtly hassled me over it. Being force to swear fealty abrogates that fealty. Wearing articles of clothing imprinted with the American Flag is not just jingoistic, it’s strictly against Title 4, Chapter 1, Article 8: Respect for the Flag. I am as appalled at that as I was the use of a genuine American Flag as tablecloth for a Fourth of July store picnic display. And last night, I was pretty miffed at the NFL’s Salute to Service opening for Sunday Night Football as yet another wonton commercialization of patriotism until I realized it was Veterans’ Day eve. I rewound, shut-up and stood for the playing of the Star-Spangled Banner alone in my living room. Still shocked that the day was not formally announced, particularly after watching the Remembrance Day ceremony at the start of the shellacking Liverpool gave Man City Sunday morning.

In short, I take patriotism quietly but seriously.

It is in that spirit that I say, with all my heart, Thank You to my father, my mother, my aunts, my uncles, my brother, practically all of my cousins, many of their children, and my friends, neighbors, fellow countrymen and fellow countrywomen whom have served in the Armed Forces of the United States to give me the protections of the freedoms I enjoy to speak my mind, to act in certain ways, or to do neither as I see fit. As always, never forget.


Teddy and Good Government

by bauer on October 30, 2019

From Theodore Roosevelt as he moved to establish a professional federal administration to combat the cronyism and self-service in 19th century America:

“The spoils system of making appointments to and removals from office is so wholly and unmixedly evil, is so emphatically un-American, and un-democratic, and is so potent a force for degradation in our public life that it is difficult to believe that any intelligent man of ordinary decency who has looked into the subject can be its advocate.”

Replace “man” with “they” and I think he’s really got something here. Essentially, he ushered in the generations of government professionals working towards realizing Truth, Justice and the American Way. You know. The Deep State. Terrible. Almost as bad as Mount Rushmore.


Declaration of Independence Day

by bauer on July 4, 2019

Just as Charles Krauthammer did, I like reading the Declaration of Independence every Fourth of July. I usually just hit the ambles, pre and post, to get a little reminder of the beginning (plus it’s always printed in that commie rag, the New York Times). For some reason, this year I decided to read of the original “injuries and usurpations” committed by the King of Great Britain that kicked this whole thing off.

In the Declaration (exquisite punctuation by the way), there are a number of “Facts” that start off with “- He” and refer to the aforementioned Prince while itemizing various injuries and/or usurpations. One of my favorites is:

He has dissolved Representative Hours repeatedly for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people. (The Founding Fathers hadn’t seen the USWNT yet).

I counted a total of 18 He’s (and 9 Fors - He 13 is a bit involved). About halfway through I got confused as I wasn’t sure whether the Founding Fathers were talking about King George III (the first King of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland and the poster child for bipolar disorder) or Donald Trump. My rough count is that 11 of the 18 accusations (61.1111%) apply to both the 45th President of the United States and the Third of the House of Hanover (56th Monarch if you nclude Aethelred the Unready). Here they are.

Facts to be submitted to a candid world:

  • He has refused to Assent to Laws
  • He has obstructed the Administration of Justice
  • He has made Judges dependent on his Will
  • He has affected to render the Military … superior to the Civil
  • He has combined with others For
    • Cutting off our Trade
    • Imposing Taxes on us
  • He has
    • Plundered our seas
    • Ravaged our Coasts
    • Burnt our Towns

OK, the last one is a stretch to get to ignoring Climate Change but couldn’t resist. The absolute best one though is:

He has endeavored to prevent the population of these States … obstructing the Laws of Naturalization of foreigners … refusing to … encourage migrations hither.

I find it hysterical that the Founders were furious with the King for his keeping migrants out of the country. Sure, I’ve taken some liberties with my interpretation but it’s Independence Day and I declare.


My First Internet Millennium

by bauer on April 3, 2018

I’ve been an Internet professional for 25 years now, starting out in 1993 trying to build an integrated email, telnet, ftp, and gopher client for the Entrepreneurship program getting my MBA at Carnegie Mellon University*.
In the computer lab one day, somebody tapped me on the shoulder and said “Have you seen this Mosaic thing? I took one look at my first web page - a couple of pictures and some text in some horrible font - dumped what I was doing, and reached out to Marc Andreessen for the code. $50,000 for the source. Couldn’t get funding for a business plan to make the first commercial browser.

I was fortunate to connect up with Tim O’Reilly that spring and ended up at the first World Wide Web conference in July (“You CAN get there from here!”). Marc showed up, I registered Internet.Org over shots of Strega, and we all agreed with Tim Berners-Lee not to patent the next thing the web really needed - Tim called them cookies, I think.

Tim gave me my first gig with O’Reilly as the business manager for GNN, the Global Network Navigator, the first professionally published directory on the Web. Tim and I ended up selling the first advertisements on the Web - he his lawyer, me NordicTrack. Tim gave me the freedom to strike out on my own and I started connecting companies to the Internet, registering their domains, and building their web sites.

It wasn’t just like being a kid in the candy store; it was like being a kid in a shopping mall full of candy stores. I thought about automating domain registration but couldn’t figure out how to get paid. I thought about patenting the system we designed to connect ordering products over the Internet for a company called Black Box but calling up their fax-line seemed a bit dumb. I thought about being an end-to-end provider of hardware and software but settled on just putting big companies - ConEd, Fisher Scientific, Ameritech, PPG, PNC Bank, Legent - on the Web.

I had one of the first couple of booths selling web services at the second Internet World conference where I started making presentations about doing business on the Web. In the next year or so my seniority at the show let me have a booth right in the middle of the Javits Center, in between Microsoft and Novell. After one of my talks some guy came up to me and asked me to help him build a new web site. It was pornography. “Oh, no”, I said, “I couldn’t do that.” I’m Pennsylvania Dutch, doncha know.

At conference after-parties, I got along really well with the guy who ran Novell. Not so much the guy who ran Netscape. Jerry Wang offered me a job but my company was bigger than his so that made no sense. Tim Berners-Lee convinced me building an HTML editor was the way to go.

I opted to start with a knowledge-based content management platform, called ManageIT! Changed the name of my company from The Internet Group to Imperative! Put MapQuest on the Web. Sucked down all the bandwidth in Pennsylvania in 6 months. Guess using Perl as a Web Server wasn’t the best performance solution. When you started out with only about 300,000 domains registered in the world, don’t exactly think about performance like you do today.

Picked up an investor - or rather he picked me up. Great to have someone with union ties on your board. Having the shop steward have your booth setup first among the acres in Javits was great. On the other hand, taking money from someone with union ties is inadvisable.

“What do you mean you missed the deadline for delivering the first of its kind HTML GUI editor written in X?” Had to be be stealing. Get an ex-Naval intelligence officer to follow him. Get one of the Big Three accounting firms to audit him. Don’t find anything? Get another one of the Big Three to audit him. Still nothing? Oh well, may as bring the third one in too - make it a trifecta.

…to be continued.

*Technically it was a Master of Science in Industrial Administration because it’s, well, CMU.